When You Cannot Leave
Some of you read modules 6 and 7 and thought: that is fine for people whose partner is reasonable. Mine is not, and I cannot go. Children, money, safety, a visa, a parent who needs care. You are not looking for a way out today. You are looking for a way to stay yourself while you stay. That is a real question with a real answer, so let us get to it.
What is actually happening
A circle can be kept intact inside a situation it cannot leave. That is the whole aim here: not fixing them, not confronting them, keeping you. Three things protect a circle under pressure: a private inside (wants, opinions and plans that are yours and unspoken), one witness outside the situation who can build the model of you, and a direction, even if it is years away. Feeling trapped is RAGE with no exit; the exit for now is inward and forward, not outward.
The misread
Trying to win. Making the case, keeping the file, waiting for them to understand. With a person whose values will not let the model be built, the campaign is the trap. Stop feeding them material. Grieve the witness you will not have there. Find one elsewhere.
The private breath: four seconds out, in any room, invisible. It is yours and nobody can take it.
The intact circle plan
Three lists, kept where only you can see them. Mine and unspoken: five things that are true about me that I do not need them to know. My witness: one person or place where an accurate picture of me can exist. My direction: the smallest quiet move toward later, and the next one. Plus one line: the sign that this has moved from hard to unsafe, and who I call if it does.
The three lists, the safety line, and the signposts. This module ends with the door to the deeper programme (section 7) and to specialist support.
If you moved, you chose to move. And if you chose it, you can choose differently.
If you are frightened of someone at home, or someone controls your money, your movements or your children, this programme can help you keep yourself, but it cannot get you out. Speak to the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247, free, 24 hours) or, in immediate danger, call 999.
This programme is educational and not a substitute for therapy, medical care or specialist domestic abuse support.